As a beautiful, well dressed, well groomed, stern-striding woman walks past me on Chicago’s Downtown streets, I pay her very little mind. Yes I am heterosexual; Yes she is extremely attractive. However, I refuse to succumb to my animalistic, testosterone-driven, flirtatious, human nature. I hear a voice in my head echoing: “Don’t look….you are abstinent.”
I made the choice to embark on this abstinent journey four months ago. This decision came about after a two-year relationship ended abruptly. Wanting to purify my mind and body, I set forth the goal of becoming abstinent – ultimately celibate. During our relationship, I noticed that my hunger for sex increased. I partook so much that I left the house with depleted energy levels several times a week. As time went on, I brought myself to address this issue with my partner. She seemed to be satisfied with what was taking place and blew it off by calling it “natural.” Arguments and grief ensued thereafter causing us to grow apart and end the relationship.
The Process (2 Months Later)
My desire for sex burned like an immense flame. Lust began to manifest itself in my dreams and I would wake up erected many nights. No I did not have ‘wet dreams,’ the dream itself was a situation wet enough (bad joke, I know). After gaining some resistance, I switched my focus to my conscience. There is a famous saying that “A man’s greatest downfall is his imagination.” I admit, watching beautiful women walk past and not even flinching took work! I didn’t get this down packed until I was one month into my abstinence. I suppose I am man with a big imagination – and a big……objectifying flaw. My eye no longer wanders to a woman’s body, but it wonders about her life story and philosophy.
THIS IS AN INTERRUPTION IN OUR REGULAR SCHEDULED PROGRAMMING
This is probably jumping the gun on my future post. However, my abstinence was in grave danger on the date of Feb. 27th. From approximately 2:45pm to 5:45pm, my former mate was within five feet of me doing work from her job. She asked me if she could swing by – because I have a quiet two bedroom apartment – to knock out a few tasks on her tablet… I said… yes… There was a battle similar to that of the Spartans happening in that moment. Sadly, I am in no shape or form to pretend to be Spartan, I am too weak. As my text message notifications pinged amid our dialogue, I could not help but notice how my willpower crumbled; I texted: “I would (I misspelled wouldn’t as I crumbled at an incredible pace) mind if you swung by around 2:00pm. Does that work?” She then responded: “maybe closer to 2:30, Is that ok?” I am sure you can guess what my reply was. Moving along -upon her entrance – we spoke briefly and immediately got to work. As time went on, she attempted attempted to ‘check on me’ at least three times. Fortunately, my closed door discouraged her from coming in closer in proximity to me and my bedroom. By this time I am slightly erected (TMI?) and panicking. Thankfully, I held my composure as she returned to the other room where she was working – I had dodged a bullet. The convening ended with us having breif dialogue and an Uber being called.
Back To Our Regular Scheduled Programming
Thank god. Now I can continue to write about my abstinence.